Show Notes
On todays episode we talk about how to overcome hurt feelings and why they happen in the first place (it's not what you think).
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Episode Transcript
Speaker 0 00:00:01 Hello and welcome. This is Nancy Cooper with the two Light Show. Today's episode is going to be about how it can be very easy <laugh> to see someone else having done something wrong because the way that it made us feel or affected us, but the reality that they very well may not have done anything wrong at all. Okay? This is, this is a tough one. This is definitely one that asks for us to lean, lean, lean in when we are in this space of constantly feeling like others are out to get us, and that they automatically want to hurt or harm us in some way. Like someone is a bad guy, right? Like they're just naturally gonna be a bad guy. An example for feminines could be that they have been hurt a lot by men masculine. And so they just automatically have this belief and feeling in their body saying that all men are going to be bad and that they're gonna be dangerous, and they're gonna hurt me.
Speaker 0 00:01:20 So when something happens in a scenario, we look at that and say, see, see, you hurt me. You did something wrong. And the reality is that we really need to do the work where we're able to be more objective with the reality of someone else's behavior. What I mean by this is say someone did do something that hurt your feelings and they had absolutely no idea that that behavior was hurtful to you. The reason that it was hurtful to you is because of the construct of your own past, your own experiences and your own traumas. So for them, they have no way of having this full insight into everything you've experienced, right? They ha even if you've told them, even if you've communicated with them and said, Hey, you know, I went through this, I've experienced this, et cetera, et cetera, that does not automatically equate to them knowing how to meet you in that space and how to show up in that space for you exactly how you need them to. So when we sit and say, someone did something that hurt me, what we really mean most often is that I have been hurt by this before and this person's behavior triggered this pain. This is, this is a more accurate statement, right? It's a more accurate way of looking at things and recognizing that, okay, what this person
Speaker 1 00:03:10 Said or
Speaker 0 00:03:11 Did, it was not designed to hurt me, but it is hurtful to me because it's so similar to something that was very painful, or that made me feel a level of pain. All right? So this is where we have the opportunity to dive deeper into ourself and ask those harder questions as to why did this hurt me? What is it in me that was aligned by this? Because the reality is just like with triggers, people cannot hurt us or hurt our feelings unless we have given them
Speaker 1 00:03:54 Some level of power
Speaker 0 00:03:56 To do so, typically through expectations. What I mean by this is, I'll explain a little bit more with the triggers.
Speaker 1 00:04:04 Like, somebody cannot trigger something within us that doesn't already
Speaker 0 00:04:08 Exist
Speaker 1 00:04:09 There. I've talked about
Speaker 0 00:04:10 This before. It, it can only be triggered
Speaker 1 00:04:13 If it's something that we align with. If it's something that at some level we agree with, otherwise it doesn't bother us. So if someone said something to me about like, if I was unintelligent or a fraud in the work that I do or something, yes. I mean, is that enjoyable to, to hear that? Of course, of course it is. But would that affect me in a way where I would be quote unquote hurt? And the answer is no, because I don't have a belief within my body that is in agreement with that, that they've triggered, that they have activated, because I've cleared that, I've cleared that doubt. I've seen what my abilities do. I've seen how much I have helped other people. I've seen really some pretty amazing things. And so I know the truth. And so if someone were to accuse me of being, and I have been of a charlatan <laugh>, it's a funny word to me, but, um, it makes me think of like the 18, 17 hundreds, you know, like that, that terminology.
Speaker 1 00:05:20 But for someone to accuse me of that, my thought is simply, you know, that's just not someone who is designed to receive my message, and that's okay, right? So I don't have any connection, but if I was someone new, brand new starting out in this journey, who is still doubting my abilities, who's still doubting my gifts, that would severely hurt me because, uh, on a level I aligned with it, right? So it's the same thing when someone does or says something unintentionally that hurts our feelings. There's a level, level within us that is bound to that action or belief or statement or what have you that got triggered. So perhaps it's being in a relationship that you're building trust, you're getting to know someone and they say or do something that triggers an old hurt that you had from a past experience. Was this person actually trying to hurt you or did they trigger an old pain that has not been healed?
Speaker 1 00:06:33 This is where we have to lean in and ask that question, is this person really trying to hurt me? Or is this an old pain that's coming up for healing? This is a question that we need to start asking ourselves all the time with all of the work that we're doing, and to lean into that because this is how we become expansive. I'm gonna read a message that I, uh, received last night that I channeled. A lot of times when I receive these messages. I write it, um, from the perspective of the human, even though I channel it from a being that is not human <laugh>, um, that she is, uh, I say she again, there's no gender, but the name that came to me for her was Thea. Um, and when I channel her messages, I say them as if I am speaking because she speaks through me.
Speaker 1 00:07:30 Um, I give her permission to do that. So it's a unique way of receiving the information. But I want to share this in this podcast because I think that it's very valid and important. Last night, she said to me, lean into expansion. What does this mean? It means we must stop trying to get our emotional discomfort to end. We must sit with it. What discomfort. The discomfort of releasing control, the discomfort of not knowing. The discomfort of uncertainty. Control is a trauma response. The need to know what's going to happen is a trauma response. The fear of uncertainty is a trauma response. When we experience trauma, our brain creates a short fuse. This is how our brain works to keep us safe. A bear is dangerous. See a bear fear response run. The problem with this mechanism is we are now in a lifetime and generation where we are not constantly being hunted, accused of witchcraft or fighting to survive. So this mechanism is now overactive due to the exposure of a past threat that resulted in trauma. This short fuse takes us from perceived
Speaker 0 00:08:55 Threat to reaction response in an instant. How efficient yet so damaging to our relationships, money, success, and so on. This is why we must lean in. Leaning in is how we lengthen the fuse. We take it through a process of desensitization and disempowerment By leaning in, we are learning to sit with the discomfort. We are inviting ourselves to address love. I'm sorry, we are inviting ourselves to address love on and give full attention to the pain and fear that is trapped within the body. So next time you find yourself in a situation that is offering expansion, lean in, sit with yourself and choose the most expansive route. This means to ask yourself what that is, what does that look like? What option gives you the most opportunity to expand? Choose that path and lean in. You are the medicine.
Speaker 0 00:10:05 So I found this beautiful and it was interesting cuz I've wanted to do this podcast for a few weeks now, the answer's been no. And then I received this message last night and, and here we are recording this. So the, the answer here is I wanna make sure, kind of, let me backtrack a little bit before I go deeper into this. I wanna be very, very clear that what I'm talking about in this is perceived threat of whatever it is we're, we're fearing based on how someone's actions or behaviors have made us feel. Now, this is very, very different than actual danger, okay? So I am not talking about any situation that is actual danger. I would never recommend for someone to sit with that. What I'm referring to is our perceived thought because we have a programmed response in our body that we are working to heal.
Speaker 0 00:11:14 I wanna be very, very clear that there is a huge profoundly different distinction between these two. Now moving forward, the perceived thought of a threat, um, I'm really big about analogies and giving examples. So let's say we're, we have a friend, um, and they, they say that they are going to call us. We, we, we tell them, Hey, you know, something happened today that I really need to talk through. And they say, okay, I'll call you tonight. And then they end up forgetting to call you and don't text or anything. They kind of ghost. So in that situation, we have so many opportunities, right? We have the opportunity to declare a boundary, um, to say, Hey, you know, you said you were gonna call, you didn't, um, next time please text, you know, to let me know that you're okay and that I shouldn't be hearing from you kind of thing.
Speaker 0 00:12:16 We also have the opportunity in a situation like that to sit with why that hurt us so much, why it bothered us, what the expectation was, how that made us feel threatened. Because a lot of times when we do have store trauma in our body from past lives and from our current lifetime, we need consistency, right? We need things to be more predictable. We need four things to, um, make sense. So we say, okay, they're gonna call it this time, they call, right? We need that predictability. And then when that doesn't happen, things don't feel stable, they don't feel safe. When we're in this space, we need the opportunity to lean into that and say, okay, what part of me is feeling scared because this didn't play out the way that I needed and expected, expected it to. So how do I help myself instead of feeling reactive and being fearful and feeling unsafe because this is a perceived fear.
Speaker 0 00:13:26 How do I help myself to be more detached from that feeling in that situation and feel a sense of security within my body, understanding that, well maybe that's, that we weren't supposed to talk tonight. Maybe I was supposed to just sit with this on my own. So the divine said, Hey, you know, don't call her. Or maybe she fell asleep, or we have no idea what other kind of interventions are going on, right? On our behalf. We've asked, we've asked to align with certain things. We've asked to have certain things. We've asked for more ascension, we've asked for more growth, we've asked for all of these things. And so we have all of these different aspects playing out in our reality that are set up in favor of that. And it's, they are presented through opportunities for us to expand into it. Because here's the reality, right? We cannot say, I want this thing, but never be prepared to have it. This happens a lot. I've seen this happen several times where people will, will want a certain type of relationship, but then when they get it, they cannot hold it because they did not do the work to be a vibrational match of having it. They just had the vibrational match of wanting it and calling it in, but there was no work to
Speaker 1 00:14:51 Actually heal and do the work that needed to happen to be a match of keeping it to be the one living and experiencing it. This is very different than just regular manifesting and calling something in. There's a whole nother layer, right? Of actually keeping it and having it and being that version that holds it. So we need to go into this space, into this energy of, you know, what in me is still being activated by this. What in me is being called up right now for healing? Instead of seeing ourselves being victimized by our friend, we have to turn in and say, okay, where, where am I holding on to expectations? Where am I still holding on to something that, that says, if someone does not do this, that I, that something will happen because it didn't happen the way that I expected or needed it to.
Speaker 1 00:15:54 Now these are the two opportunities, right? We're not saying it's not okay. Like if someone says they're gonna do something right, we need to do it because that's like, that's how we build trust in relationships. And that's honestly, let's be real. It's just common courtesy. You know, it's rude to say, I'll call and then you don't call, right? So it's a common courtesy thing. It's a, this is a basic thing, but it doesn't mean that they did it on purpose to hurt you. This is the point. So yes, there's an opportunity there to say boundary to present that, but then there's the other opportunity. Okay, this did happen. It's happening for my highest good because something needs to heal here. So what is it? Because it's getting triggered, it's coming up, it's coming up, it's sitting here with me and I, I need to do something to, to work on this.
Speaker 1 00:16:46 I need to do something to heal this and sit with it and understand what it is and why this is coming up. Because here's the reality, we could snowball, right? If this gets triggered because our, our need and expectation was not meant, this gets triggered. And then we go into the space of, you know, really getting in our nervous system, feeling really anxious. Oh my gosh, you know, are they're not my friend anymore. Did they forget about me? Are they hurt? Are this, we're making all these assumptions, we're having all of these catastrophizing fantasies in our, in our mind, we're going into this space of, you know, all this stuff. And the reality is they probably fell asleep and they forgot <laugh>. Um, because it, it wasn't on their radar at that moment. And yes, that, that is hurtful, but the reality is that they did not do it on purpose to hurt you.
Speaker 0 00:17:49 So this is that opportunity where we say, okay, I'm gonna set the boundary. And, and this is, this is where we have these different scenarios that can play out because this, this scenario happens. We get triggered, oh my gosh, we could start blowing up their phone. We could start telling them what a terrible friend they are. We could start telling them all of this terrible stuff or making all these presumptions assumptions lashing out until we have burned out this fear response, right? Because it, it flushes, it like fills us, right? The cortisol, the adrenals are pumping, the heart starts pumping because we feel that there's a threat. So then we play out this dynamic to, to get the threat and then we're like, ah, there we go. I burned it out. And then we feel this sense of now I feel better. Unfortunately the friend is not gonna think so and your relationship is gonna be severely damaged or maybe over after that.
Speaker 0 00:18:44 Or we have the option of saying, okay, I don't know what's going on, so I'm feeling this in my body. I'm feeling this pain and hurt. How do I sit with it? How do I love on it? How do I lean into it and say, why? Like, why are you, why did you need this? I know we needed to talk something out. I know that I needed to do that, but why am I aligning with this hurt and this pain and automatically assuming that it equals rejection, right? Because that's what we feel. We feel that we have been forgotten and rejected and that it was about us. This is about me. They didn't call because of me, not because they fell asleep, not because whatever else, they didn't call because of me, because I'm not important to them more because they don't care about me or whatever.
Speaker 0 00:19:36 We make it about us, right? So if we can sit in that and comfort ourself and understand this, then the next day the response will be very different because we'll be able to sit there with it and then the next day they were, they, Hey, I'm so sorry I fell asleep. Um, et cetera, et cetera. And then that's when we have the opportunity and ability to say, Hey, that's okay. But in the future, you know, if you say you're gonna call, can you please like try to text if you notice that you're getting tired, just so I know what's going on, and so I know that you're okay because I care about you. Um, but you know, and just kind of trying to set a loving boundary there. This is, these are two very different scenarios. <laugh>, right? One will lead to a healthy, um, a hopefully healthy relationship with the friend respecting the boundaries, saying, yes, of course, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 0 00:20:34 I can understand how that would've been painful and difficult. Um, versus, you know, us going into this space of saying, you don't care about me. You did this to hurt me. It's all about me, me, me, me, me. Because the trauma is very self-centered. Trauma is very, it's me. Everything, everything everyone else is doing is because of me. They're attacking me. I'm not safe. So going into the space of understanding, okay, like other people's actions don't have anything to do with me, it has to do with them. So why am I feeling that this is about me? And what about me is calling up and asking for me to sit with it and heal? All right, thank you. Thank you for listening, <laugh> tuning into this. It was a lot of, I hope it made sense. I, I had my eyes closed during most of it. I was channeling a lot of different stuff and I hope it didn't mishmash together too badly. Um, thank you. Be sure to hop in to my monthly men mentorship with me so you have access to me. Um, and different programs, different challenges, different classes, all of that good stuff. Um, weekly office hours as well for one-to-one coaching. Um, be sure to hop inside that the link will be shared in the description of this podcast. And I hope that everyone has a beautiful blessed day and I will check in with you all next week. Namaste.
